One thing I have noticed is that I do not share myself with anyone. Not my friends. Not my family. It seems completely counter intuitive, I know, but it is the truth. I am not sure why. Nervous around people. Shy. I'm not sure. I recently read a book about knitting and knitters in which the author says that she has noticed that people tend to worry that if others really knew them, there is no way they could love them. That struck a mighty cord in me. I had never heard or read anyone saying what I had thought. I think the problem is that I worry excessively and inwardly. But I love something my dad has said that could apply here: it's not our problem to worry about what they think. Let them make their choice. I tend to constantly try to anticipate what others will do or think. I think this is a bad habit under certain circumstances and I have started trying to loose the concern.
I have recently started using Facebook. On the website they have a feature where you can create a quiz to see how well people who know you, know you. I gave answers to all the questions as truthful as possible with the exception of the one about taking only my yarn stash out of a burning building. I would probably grab my (hopefully finished) 72 hour kit. And that would have the scriptures, and the yarn, and the clothes, etc. in it. Anyway, there was one of my answers to one of the questions that at least two people didn't believe could be the truth. I was astonished and hurt. Then I was sad that this was the case because they only know about me what I choose to let them know. I felt selfish and out of touch with the people in my life. While I don't want to up and start pretending to be someone I'm not, because I truly love who I am when I step back, I don't want them to think that after thirteen to eighteen years of friendship and thirty years of family relationships- they have no idea who I am.
In my last blog post, I mentioned the giant plaid book of my happy things. I also started a much smaller book of things I like, don't like, personality traits, quirks, fears, and things I think about. Let me tell you, it has been interesting to say the least. It is the little book of me. I have thoroughly enjoyed observing myself, so to speak. I am definitely going to keep writing in the little book. Here a some key points:
- I am shy and very quiet. I love to watch people. This is also a lot easier than interacting with them. I would also rather my actions speak for me rather than my words.
- Just because I haven't said anything, doesn't mean I was thinking it or didn't notice. There's a fifty-fifty chance that I was, and that I did.
- I am a lot more relaxed in writing than in person. Writing is a lot less intimidating than being faced with someone watching and waiting for me compose my thoughts.
- While I am shy and major homebody, I do have a rather sizable bold streak that sits back and watches... and occasionally turns my comfortable world upside down. This streak is not applied, however, to trying new foods in front of other people. Accept octopus buried in spaghetti, on my mission. I ate that, when faced with it unexpectedly, so I could write home about it. It was quite a thrill!
- Here's a top ten list: My Favorite Ice Creams
- plain chocolate
- fudge brownie
- chocolate chip cookie dough
- cookies and cream
- caramel cone- a flavor from Hagendaz
- vanilla ice cream, chocolate swirl, and chocolate covered butter toffee pieces
- berry sauce swirled in cheesecake flavored ice cream
- s'mores or chocolate marshmallow swirl
- raspberry sherbet
- mint chip or mint cookie
Michele
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